Walking into Panera for lunch with my mother-in-law yesterday I was trying to explain the concept of my writing contract. I suppose I should have said nothing, but she keeps asking why I haven't had any articles published recently, which of course reminds me that I have not.
We have learned over the years the less you say the better. But, I was in dire need of distracting her as I helped her settle into a nice comfy booth and tucked away her walker beside us.
I showed her numerous pictures and videos of our grandson on my iPad. Regaled her with stories of his adorableness. But, no sooner had I reeled her in when she was off again, scoping out the room.
"Why do people get tattoos?" She said, almost yelling. The tattooed woman a few tables over glanced in our direction, but thankfully had a child to attend to at that very moment.
Almost eighty nine years young her hearing is not so good these days. As a consequence the volume of her voice has increased in decibels exponentially; I suppose so she can hear herself.
"Does it hurt?" She asked, almost childlike. I looked at her calmly, "Mom, I don't know, but I would think it would." Again, practically screaming at the top of her lungs. "But why do they do that to themselves?" Well, that was just a bit too loud, the tables filled with patrons turned in unison to look. "Maybe it's a form of self expression," I replied. Husband arrived with our order in the nick of time and now Mother-in-law is preoccupied with her tomato soup and turkey sandwich.
As we finished eating she started to recount a book she is currently reading. The main character is naive in matters of the heart, and Mother-in-law comments she knew nothing about s-e-x when she married. Just as we were about to gather her belongings to leave she reveals, as though speaking through a megaphone, clear enough for the woman with the tattoo, her little girl and the front counter cashiers to hear, "I was a virgin when I got married." Oy, and you can only move so fast with a walker.
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