Writing Reflection..Seeking to be Merry...

Parents do the best they can.  Their influences can make you feel pretty good about yourself, or really bad.  They can make you believe the world is your oyster; the sky's the limit, within reason, of course.  But, knowing you have the choice to soar free is a gift and I hope I have made my children feel that way.

I, on the other, not so much, in spite of how rosy life is (and I admit I have so much to be grateful for). Of course, there was the dancing incident, when I fractured my arm because I was feeling so happily unencumbered.  But, I can't ignore the whispers of my family relations every now and then. The silent plead to "stay," from the past.  I didn't.  I did what most normal adults do, I fell in love, got married and had two wonderful children.

Once my mother passed, my sister became our responsibility.  And no matter how well things are going I can't help but feel the pangs of self-reproach.

All my successes as a child were hushed, "don't tell your sister," a phrase commonly uttered, although well intentioned.  I often wrestle with feeling free, reveling in the buoyancy of joy surrounding me and shaking off the omnipresent voices from my past.  But, ultimately we are each responsible for our own happiness.  I'm pulling myself up by my "big girl pants," thank you very much, Maggie Mae.

I'm figuring this all out as I write, peeling away the layers.  I am going to seek to be merry...because I can.  I do believe my onion is slowly becoming a petite little shallot.